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(buy me a drink?) Baby steps among other things. [Sunday November 6th, 2005 at 4:15pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | 60 Minutes ] Nina inspired me to redecorate my room. I spent most of the day taking pictures with the polaroid camera my mom gave me. I bought a lot of books including Perks of Being A Wallflower. I danced around the house to Chicago and West Side Story tunes. My birthday is in less than a month. I've been feeling nostalgic lately. I miss a lot of things and people all the time. A girl my age moved in across the street. Her name is Alex. Oh yeah, I made a new lj: bebo_ciglia

(buy me a drink?) SHE was the one with value. [Saturday November 5th, 2005 at 5:29pm] [ mood | jubilant ] [ music | The Killers/Spoon on Austin City Limits ] I saw Shopgirl with Danielle. So amazingly beautiful and powerful. Definitley in my Top 5. "I'm an okay guy, by the way." "So, I can hurt now, or hurt later." Go see it now.

(buy me a drink?) Ah, the possibilities... [Friday November 4th, 2005 at 10:13pm] [ mood | determined ] [ music | Conan O'Brien ] I haven't felt this good in so long. Life is just looking so beautiful right now. I had the most amazing adventure. My spirits are lifted. I am happy. I'm so happy. ZOE, I AM DYING TO KNOW HOW IT WENT.

(2s |buy me a drink?) Dead flowers don't smell. [Thursday November 3rd, 2005 at 6:07pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | OK Go ] After school, Emily, Stephen, and I went to eat at Thundercloud before going to Beacons. I feel like I've been missing out on so much. I almost cried. I never want to miss another one. Perhaps I will bring something to read next time. the bean bag chairs where we first kissed listening to led zeppelin coming down hard on my windshield on bodies pressed close and knowing it

(5s |buy me a drink?) going insane [Wednesday November 2nd, 2005 at 6:04pm] [ mood | infuriated ] [ music | Shout Out Louds ] AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I lose EVERYTHING I own. 1. Stephen Smith asked us if we were naughty. 2. Some things have been rekindled, if you know what I mean. 3. I got a 91 on my monologue. 4. I have never been so happy and excited for two people in my entire life. Good luck Zoe! I am living on ramen. Kinda fun. I am having such a good time and that's all that matters.

(1 |buy me a drink?) Wherever you was going...I wanted to be there with you. [Sunday October 30th, 2005 at 5:44pm] There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance.There might be a chance. When I was a child, running in the night, I was afraid of what might be. Hiding in the dark and hiding on the street, and of what was following me. The hounds of love are calling. I've always been a coward. And I don't know what's good for me. Well here I go, it's coming at me through the trees. Help me, someone, help me, please. Take your shoes off, and I will throw them in the lake, and I will be, two steps on the water. I found a fox, who was caught by dogs, he let me take him in my hands. His little heart, it beat so fast And I'm ashamed to be running away. From nothing real, I just can't deal with this. I feel ashamed to be there. Among your hounds of loving. And feel your arms surround me . I've always been a coward, and I dont know what's good for me. Oh, here I go, don't let me go, hold me down. It's coming at me through the trees. Help me, someone, help me, please. Take my shoes off, and i will throw them in the lake, and I will be, two steps on the water. And I will be, two steps on the water. Do you know what I need, do you know what I need, I need love love love love love, yeah. Take my shoes off, and throw them in the lake, and I will be, two steps on the water. Do you know what I need, do you know what I need, i need love love love love love, yeah. Do you know what I need, do you know what I need, i need love love love love love, yeah.

(buy me a drink?) Welcome to your new job. [Sunday October 30th, 2005 at 1:19pm] [ mood | impressed ] [ music | First Day - The Futureheads ] Last night was fun. Ciska and Nina. I'm not really sure what we did but I enjoyed it.

(1 |buy me a drink?) No. It's not good-bye. [Saturday October 29th, 2005 at 1:56pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | Television, Television - OK GO ] Just bought the OK GO cd. Amazing. "Look at the pipe dreams. Look at the fat man burst at the seams. Look at the captain with the galaxy right off his balcony. Look at the science and the alchemy. Look at the sirens and the cop cars. Look at the pop stars. Look at the convicts filing the bars. Look at the wife, look at the knife. Look at the pom-pom prom queen scream and scream and run for her life." They also have a song that talks about St Petersburg and Anastasia. ( ACL: The Walkmen, Bloc Party, Kaiser Chiefs ) Threre's still more...

(4s |buy me a drink?) Italian cookies and I look the same. [Friday October 28th, 2005 at 10:09pm] [ mood | thirsty ] [ music | Conan O'Brien! ] Tomorrow I'm gettin' together with Milana so we can make our Halloween costumes. "I can make the shiny go away." -Stephen McAndrews Went ot the BH carnival with Ciska, Danielle, and Emily. It's kind of a tradition. We met this 8th grade kid who moved here from Argentina not long ago. Apparently he lived really close to where my mom did. It was so crazy. It made me realize what a small world we live in. Dorian and I had this really long philosophy discussion as soon as I got home. It was actually pretty inspiring. CHARLOTTE MANN got the lead in Bye Bye Birdie! How exciting is that?! it's cold outside. i'm a romantic. i love that stuff. going home i realized too much. i kinda wish i was over alot of stuff i'm not over. i kinda wish i was in the carolina's right now climbing a mountain. i miss my camera. all i've been craving is going outside and flying a kite. i need to find another 7 year old like myself. i hope everyones ok.

(5s |buy me a drink?) It's Been Awhile Since I've Been Quiet and By Myself. [Thursday October 27th, 2005 at 7:29pm] [ mood | refreshed ] [ music | You're The Reason I'm Leaving - FF ] Thank God for the new Franz cd that I've had for a few weeks. Thank Jeebus for Walk Away. Thank Jeebus for Eleanor Put Your Boots On. Thank Jeebus for Fade Together. Thank Jeebus for The Fallen. Have you ever gone through a couple of days, maybe weeks, in your life where you feel completely, utterly and horrendously unpassionate and uninspired? Like you wake up and you don't really have anything to look forward to. That's a drastic sentence. Of course I have things to look forward to. I've got these great friends. I have these great opportunities that are happening. I have great potential for life altering moments. I have this. I know I do. I've experienced it. It's real. But it's hard to remind yourself of the great potential ahead sometimes. Maybe you should make yourself something to eat? Nah. You're not hungry anyway. Maybe go back to sleep? Nah. That will just fuck with your sleeping pattern and Jeebus knows that your sleeping pattern has been fucked the last couple of days with all the schoolwork. So you sit. You sit in complete silence. And it's been a while since you've sat in complete silence, alone. It's really quiet. Too quiet. Put on the Franz cd. Skip ahead to Walk Away or I'm Your Villain or Eleanor Put Your Boots On, The Fallen or fuck it, put it on shuffle because most of the songs on this CD are awesome. Now sit again. ...... ... ...... Ah, fuck. ... .. . . . . Fuck you're crying now. ... . . . ... .. Thank God. Thank God because you knew that you really hadn't cried like you've needed to the last couple of weeks. Been distracting yourself with socializing, with crushing, with schoolwork, with avoiding schoolwork, with making stupid mistakes and fun mistakes, with not thinking about how you're feeling a little unanchored, a little unsure of what to do, a little scared. "When one door closes, another one opens," says my favorite movie, "what fucking sucks is that long hallway in between those two doors." Phew. There is a peace at the end of a good cry. Luckily, there's not a headache. A good, refreshing awesome cry. Rate it a 10. Now it's time to make a turkey and lettuce sandwich. Eat a handful of cashews. Have a banana. Drink three glasses of water. Take care of the body because the body is freaking out. The body cries in its own way. You can't give it a kleenex and tell it to suck it up. You have to give it vitamins. And put good things in it. You should quit eating like CRAP. You'll make that decision later. But we'll try it out today, just a sampling. Phew. Time to forgive yourself. It's okay to feel this way. It's okay. God, you've actually been doing a really fine job of keeping it together. Sure, you have a couple of things that you should tend to but it's okay to let some things slide to the side. You're human, dammit. Humans have to process and sometimes the process contains a little craziness. Forgive yourself for being a little crazy. Applaud yourself for being a little crazy. Phew. Drink another glass of water. Get to the fridge and decide that lemonade is actually better. Phew. Fucking A. This Boy is great. Phew. Phew. Wow. Holy moley. Wow. That was something just then, wasn't it? Wow. Life is so neat. God, what a fucking adventure. Phew. You feel inspired. You feel the haze lift from life a bit. The stuff that was clogging your head is gone. Maybe that wasn't a mild cold after all, maybe it was just a cry that got stuck and was getting all clogged. Phew. Get up and go update the journal. It's okay. Write it out. Write it all out. Put it out there so that it's out and not in you. Do it. Doitdoitdoitdoitdoit. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Fucking A. Walk Away. Thank you God for FRANZ FERDINAND, for the YEAH YEAH YEAHS, for COLDPLAY, for these awesome CDs. Phew. Dear Reader, This was a lame ass entry. Thank you for getting all the way down to the end. Sometimes a gal has it and sometimes she doesn't. You know how it is. Sincerely, Tania

(5s |buy me a drink?) AHH today was so fun. [Tuesday October 25th, 2005 at 4:31pm] [ mood | sore ] [ music | Bombs Bombs Away - The Sounds (what else?!) ] Karin and I have started making coffe in Newspaper. I love that girl. So glad she transferred to AHS. Dorian, Milana, and Josh made orgasm noises during English. After school, Dorian and I were waiting for Milana to finish making up her IPC test. We had fun drawing peni together on the wall. And humping the water fountain. It was superfantastiche. I am................................. smiling.

(buy me a drink?) [Monday October 24th, 2005 at 7:23pm] I'm trying not to think about time.

(1 |buy me a drink?) good night, and good luck [Sunday October 23rd, 2005 at 8:27pm] [ mood | thirsty ] [ music | the journals of love are calling ] I dyed my hair!!!! On the box it's called " Dark Brown Nutmeg". I'm afraid its a little too dark. I'm going to stay up til 2 doing my journals.. I can just see it now.

(3s |buy me a drink?) [Sunday October 23rd, 2005 at 9:57am] wang dang sweet poontang

(4s |buy me a drink?) Bombs bombs [Saturday October 22nd, 2005 at 9:24am] [ mood | dirty ] [ music | Bombs Bombs Away ] I'm going as for Halloween. And I'm dying my hair this color.

(1 |buy me a drink?) [Friday October 21st, 2005 at 9:12pm] She tells me how they link claws as they walk along the seabed, like lovers holding hands. How, when they meet, they run a claw over their bumpy backs to find out each other's age and where they grew up. They are monogamous and live well into their 50s. I feel uncomfortable eating anything older than me, she says, and I don't feel like lobster tonight.

(buy me a drink?) [Thursday October 20th, 2005 at 5:46pm] Sorry about all the posts but Everything Is Illuminated is AMAZING!!! "People are the same everywhere." "Maybe..." "And its insane. To think it could have been completely different. Or exactly the same. But it is what it is, and how it is, and who it is. The names are the same and the situations unchanged. And i'm okay with that."

(buy me a drink?) i'm the reason you're leaving [Thursday October 20th, 2005 at 5:06pm] [ mood | thankful ] "No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun - for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax - This won't hurt." -Hunter S. Thompson's suicide note I've found that screaming the lyrics to Franz's "You're The Reason I'm Leaving" in an empty house helps... a lot. With anything. At all.

(1 |buy me a drink?) Noone else is surviving. [Thursday October 20th, 2005 at 3:45pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | none ] It finally happened. And I'm kind of relieved. But we're still friends, so its okay.

(4s |buy me a drink?) You either win or you fall down. [Wednesday October 19th, 2005 at 7:53pm] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | Liza Minelli...? ] She's a lady... Failing IPC...'nuff said. Highlights from English: "I want you to blow my chunk." -Dorian Josh shoved 3 doughnuts into his mouth. The most productive 50 minutes of his life. Milana comes within 3 inches from poking Stephen's mole...he turns around. "My shit keeps coming out." -Stephen "Penis. Butt sex. Prepuce...(Josh is choking on his doughnuts from laughing...) BALLSAC." -Milana English 5th period is the best class I've ever had. I stayed with Milana, Dorian and Tommy after school. They edited their music videos for media... Milana took the most HILARIOUS picture of Tommy spread eagle. ( Read between the lines. ) FU

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